|Is "bondage and domination" the same as "sadism and masochism"?
No they are NOT. Bondage and Domination can occur between normal, every day playful couples,
who simply want to enrich their sex life.
Many people enjoy bondage because of the feel of the rope on their body, the feeling of helplessness
they get when bound, and the fun of struggling against the restraints. Not only is bondage a physical
turn-on but it is visual eye candy as well. Some people use cuffs (leather or metal) some use silk
scarfs or a mans tie, but it still classifies as bondage. If you are Bound in any way, it is bondage.
Being bound for sexual pleasure-whether being physically held down during sex or put in bondage
restraints is the most common fantasy for both men and women regardless of their sexual orientation
or kink factor. In "vanilla" couples playful bondage incorporated into foreplay and lovemaking adds
an extra element of excitement to the relationship and sex play.
Bondage, in the context of BDSM play, involves restraining for pleasure and/or punishment and may
constitute the pleasure in itself regardless of sexual contact.
The most familiar types of bondage are rope-play or the use of hand cuffs. Rope play or rigging
consists of binding and tying your partner in compromising positions that limit mobility (hogtied), or
expose their vulnerable sex parts for punishment (spread eagle). Some types of rope play like Shibari
or suspension bondage require a lot of skill, while using bondage restraints like cuffs and bondage kits
are easy enough for a novice to use. More extreme types of bondage include straight jackets and
mummification. Some bondage furniture includes the use of St. Andrew's Cross, bondage beds,
boards or benches.
Leather, Red Ball Gag, Harness, Sensory deprivation, are other forms of bondage that limit a person's
senses using blindfolds and hoods (sight), ear plugs (hearing), or wrapping someone fully in bondage
tape, saran wrap, or full bondage sacks, also known as mummification (touch). Ball gags limit a
person's ability to speak or scream.
Extreme corseting or tight-waisting is considered by some to be a form of bondage, while chastity
devices and cock and ball devices bind the genitals. Nipple clamps pinch the nipples and may also be
considered a form of sensory pain play. Collars and leashes are use in dominance and submission
play and will sometimes be used as a symbol of ownership.
Being tied up and blindfolded while your lover puts whipped cream on your body and licks it off, or
pleasures you in various ways, can be very enticing, and even enhances your senses sometimes
resulting in more intense orgasms.
People in the "life style" who are hardcore, would strongly disagree with me, but I do not listen to
them, I am sorry. But bondage and domination can be fun and playful.
Imagine your lover being the Master or the Mistress...
Commanding you to remove your clothes in a candle lit room, while they watch you and admire you.
Then, order you to spread your legs, so that they can pleasure you. Or even you, being in charge and
having your lover do anything and everything you say.
Some couples play in the shower, pour the water over their genitals and erogenous spots, that is called
water bondage, but it all depends on the individual couple how far you take it and how strong you like
the stream to be, as well as whether you want your legs opened so you can't close them, whether the
water should be warm or cool, each couple decides on their comfort levels, there are no rules in any
part of the "bdsm manual" lol, joke, that say you have to cause pain and humiliation and to what
It is a consenting genre and playing with "Bondage and Domination/Discipline" means something
different to every participant, so talking about comfort levels is crucial before even beginning.
For people who have never before ventured into this play, start very very light and slow and see how
much you are willing to take, how far you are willing to go, and what are you comfortable with, while
trying this fun adventurous "genre".
You may even like the costumes and props for the fun of it, or you simply find it erotic. I for one, get
very aroused when I touch and smell leather. Don't know the reason, but it makes me wet
In a normal playful way, normal couples may play this way too, and reap the benefits. You may even
get a spanking, which would qualify as "discipline". Paddles are fun, whips not so much, they sting no
matter how lightly you strike your partner. Crops are more "spot" focused. Crops can hurt or they
may not depending on the strike. You may use quick brisk movements slow brisk movements etc;
You may wonder what it would be like to be tied up and finish your orgasm (many women I know
stop too soon and close their legs because the feeling is too intense...) what if your legs were tied
open, and you finished it finally, the full enchilada, can you imagine the relief? And what if your lover/
partner kept on stimulating you until you orgasm again, and again? Have you ever experienced such
delight? If you are not bound you are free to escape. With restraints you just cum and cum and cum
without any guilt.
To Me B&D does not have to be scary.
We do not have to live it, or we may, if we feel like it, as long as we keep it separate from our every
day life and the bedroom. Some women or men may feel resentful if ordered around in regular
everyday life, but will not mind it in their love life/the bedroom. If you learn the difference and keep it
fun and pleasurable, you can both have all the fun you wish for, and go from being submissive and
accommodating, back to being your self confident, bossy selves in the morning ;)
You do not have to inflict pain, or you may, just a little. For instance spanking can be moderated
according to your desires. Most importantly it has to be consensual.
The Domination part of B&D can be fun as well. You can simply begin by "commanding" your lover
to remove their clothes. You may command her to do it slowly or however you find it to be arousing
to you. You may do it step by step... for instance say "Remove your dress", and watch her, say:
"slowly" in a Masterful voice. "Now your bra", "Your Panties, slowly" Then you can command her to
sit on the bed or the couch, command her to spread her legs... "wider" don't forget to complement
her, you may say something like "What a beautiful view" or "you are so breath taking". Compliments
will make her feel more at ease. I have a page on the roles of Master/Dominant and Submissive/Slave
so do read it. The advantage of this kind of play is that often we have desires, which when unexplored
will make your sex life feel boring, routine, un`fulfilling and you will not even know why.
I also have a couple of videos on tying your lover up, and a diagram of it showing you step by step
how to do it.
Sometimes it is the man who has submissive tendencies, and some times it is the woman. There are
couples who both have submissive desires or both feel dominant. There could be a problem in these
situations, but couples who work with me, resolve it and lead very happy love life's, fulfilling for both.
(Please find and purchase Nina Hartley's guides/videos, she is excellent and shows it all in a playful
fun way these videos are fun to watch for couples, who interested in playing with bondage and
Titles: "Nina Hartleys Guide to Spanking"
"Nina Hartleys Guide to Playful Domination"
-"How to Dominate a Woman" or -"How to Dominate a Man"
She has many fun detailed lessons which are mild and fun,
and she is very sexy too ;)
But here is what the wikipedia says about it all:
(wikipedia is written by people who visit it, not necessarily by someone like the educated
individuals who write Miriam Websters or the Encyclopedia Britannica,
I treat it as strictly informational and do not put too much faith in it's accuracy)
BDSM is a compound acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD),
dominance and submission (D&s, D/s, or Ds), sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM).
BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct
subcultures. While not always overtly sexual in nature, the activities and relationships within a BDSM
context are almost always eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of these practices fall
outside of conventional sexual activities and human relationships.
BDSM encompasses many activities, including — but are not limited to — forms of dominance,
submission, discipline, punishment, bondage, sexual roleplaying, sexual fetishism, sadomasochism, and
power exchange, as well as the full spectrum of mainstream personal and sexual interactions.
BDSM is not considered to be a form of sexual abuse — although some BDSM activities may appear
to be violent or coercive, such activities are conducted with the consent of all partners involved.
BDSM relationships and practices are exercised under the philosophy of "safe, sane and consensual"
(SSC), or the somewhat more permissive philosophy of "risk-aware consensual kink" (RACK).
Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the fact that the participants
usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles. Typically, participants who are active — applying
the activity or exercising control over others — are known as tops or Dominants.
Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are
typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals who move between top/dominant roles and
bottom/submissive roles—either periodically within a relationship, or from relationship to
relationship—are known as S/switches.
BDSM is often practiced within the context of a limited and defined encounter known as a BDSM
scene. Such scenes often have ritualistic aspects, complete with modes of behavior, forms of address,
codes of conduct, dress codes, and many other aspects of theater and role playing. As such
encounters are often, but not always, at least partly sexual in nature, people outside of BDSM have a
tendency to view it as a form of "kinky sex".
Some participants incorporate aspects of BDSM into their everyday relationship(s) with their partner
(s), especially those who practice dominance and submission or power exchange (especially Total
Power Exchange). For these individuals, BDSM is part of their lifestyle and in some discussions is
referred to as "The Lifestyle"
Bondage and Discipline
Bondage and Discipline are two aspects of BDSM that do not necessarily
relate to one another, but can appear jointly. The term "Bondage" describes
the practice of restraining for pleasure. Bondage is usually, but not always,
a sexual practice. While bondage is a very popular variation within the larger
field of BDSM, it is nevertheless sometimes differentiated from the rest of
this field. Studies among BDSM practitioners in the U.S. have shown that
about half of all men find the idea of bondage to be erotic; many women
do as well. Strictly speaking, bondage means binding the partner by tying
their appendages together; for example, by the use of handcuffs or by
lashing their arms to an object. Bondage can also be achieved by spreading
the appendages and fastening them with chains to a St. Andrews cross or
The term "Discipline" describes the use of rules and punishment to control overt behavior in BDSM.
Punishment can be pain caused physically (such as caning), humiliation caused psychologically (such
as a public flagellation) or loss of freedom caused physically (e.g. chaining the Bottom to the foot of a
bed). Another aspect is the structured training of the Bottom.
Overlap with practices from the field of bondage can occur, but is not necessarily mandatory. A
differentiation between bondage and discipline is sometimes difficult.
Dominance and submission
"Dominance and submission" (also known as D&s, Ds or D/s) is a set of behaviors, customs and
rituals relating to the giving and accepting of dominance of one individual over another in an erotic or
lifestyle context. It explores the more mental aspect of BDSM. This is also the case in many
relationships not considering themselves as sadomasochistic; it is considered to be a part of BDSM if it
is practiced cognizantly. The range of its individual characteristics is thereby wide.
Examples of mentally orientated practices are education games, during which the dominant requires
certain forms of behavior from the submissive. Special forms include erotic roleplay like ageplay, in
which a difference in age, either real or enacted, formulates the background; or petplay.
Concerted deployed sexual rejection exercised on the partner can be an aspect of Dominance and
Submission as well. The most established and probably most cliché set form of dominance and
submission is dominance and slavedom. These can be administrated for the short duration of a session
among otherwise-emancipated partners, but also can be integrated into everyday life indefinitely.
In a few relationships, it leads as far as total submission of one partner in the truest sense of the
phrase total power exchange.
Compensating elements of the total dominance and submission are care and devotion complementing
one another, thus facilitating stable relationships. The consensual submission of the sub is sometimes
demonstrated to others by symbols indicating his/her belonging to the dom, such as wearing a collar,
special tattoos, piercings, a very short haircut or a bald head.
Occasionally, actual "slave contracts" are set out in writing to record the formal consent of the parties
to the power exchange, stating their common vision of the relationship dynamic. Such documents
have not been recognised as being legally binding. Contracts that are contra bonos mores (contrary to
public morals) are generally illegal, and such contracts can even be constitutionally prohibited. In
Europe, such agreements may be contrary to Article 3 of the European Convention on Human Rights
which grants a general freedom from "inhumane or degrading treatment".
This right had been held to be absolute and no limitations or derogations are permitted by the
Convention. Nevertheless, the mere existence of such purported contracts has resulted in banner
headlines in yellow press publications, and uninformed third parties seeing such information out of
context are periodically led to rejecting and condemning the relationships, "they" describe.